This is the story of a girl who cried a river and drowned the whole world

I thought I'd try my hand at writing. This is a story. A story people.

Three girls
Three amigos
Big egos
Them against the world
They generally won
Inseparable is an overused term
Something happened
It fell apart
Now we're down to two
How'd it happen?
Couldn't exactly tell ya 

One girl
All alone
What did she do?
Long story
Endless tears
Endless fears
Where'd everyone go?
School was miserable.
She thought you were on her side
She was wrong
She braved the world 
Her against the world
She tried so hard
But she lost
There was no light at the end of the tunnel

Two girls
Tear producing
What happened?
She doesn't know
But it secretly makes her happy
She's not the only one affected
She is independent
Don't need friends
Don't need those friends
It's painful
It'd be nice
But she's learned about poison from her mom
She can handle herself
After all,
She's been doing it for awhile
Everything will work out

One becomes two
Two becomes one
She likes this math problem
She always liked math
Even now
Tables turned
For once
She's on the other side
She's not so alone anymore
Everything worked out
Not perfect
But close

Looking back
The light was always there
She's glad she made the journey
Because now she has support
And lessons to share


Exchange love not drugs

Before you read any further, please just remember that I love Christmas. I really do. So don't get any thoughts otherwise!

But I'm just so stressed. Because these past few years have come the time when the kids in my family have to buy each other presents with our own money. And I'm horrible at finding worthy gifts to give.
Hor. Ri. Ble.
Plus the fact that I used to have to rely on others to take me to buy presents but then of course you can't buy their present because you're with them so then you have to go a different time and get a ride from another person! URGGGH.

However this year has been a bit easier. Only due to the fact that I now have the means to drive myself places. But I'm out of cash. Go figure. And I'm out of ideas. Completely burnt of brain waves to help me channel peoples needs. So family, don't be offended, it's the best I could think of. Also it won't offend me if you take it back for something better. Feel free.

To me that's the worst thing about Christmas. The gifts. I know they're supposed to represent something much more than the material aspect. But I don't care. I'm not a Grinch, I swear. And yes getting some awesome gifts each year is great (because let's face it, I did NOT inherit my madre's ability to pick amazing gifts). But after the past coupla years picking out cheap gifts for my brothers when they'd rather have these expensive electronics that I can't afford made me realize that I'd rather just spend it with family. I'd rather have all the events and traditions that go along with Christmas without the gift giving. It really would just make the season that much happier!!!

Then there is the subject on who to give presents to. If someone gives me a gift and I didn't get them one, I feel like a total jerk. So how do you choose? I dunno. So I'm not even gonna touch that subject.

But because I'm trying to not focus on all that silly stuff, I am now focusing on the traditions in my family that make it the special time of year it is for me :)

1. My amazing great-grandma (93 and still strong!) always sends us these special figurines that open to reveal cash that we distribute unevenly. This year she sent my mom and I Grinch socks that are so darling! I love her :)

2. If you drive by my house, you will see a Mexican Santa called Ho Ho and chili pepper lights. What other house has that? Yeah that's what I thought. If you want a story about Ho Ho, just ask.

3. On Christmas Eve, we are allowed to open one gift. But only after we've sung and/or danced to earn it. In years past my favorite memories have been when my eldest brother sang "Silent Night":
Silent night
Holy night
All is calm
All is right

HA. Okay to me that was funny.

4. We always decorate sugar cookies. The little ones look like...beautiful art....And mine and my brothers tell stories about wars because we use the red icing for blood.

5. This year my cousin Millie who lives in Holland is visiting with her husband and new baby and I'm secretly excited for that. Mostly because I love babies. Haha.

6. Kevin and I (hopefully) will renew our membership to the Polar Bear Club by getting onthe spa, rolling around in the snow, and then quickly getting back in before you realize how much pain you're in. It's great :)

Like I said, I LOVE Christmas. But in all reality, I just live the season. It's a great time of year to show our love to our friends, family and our Savior. It just doesn't always have to be through the exchanging of gifts.


Diff'rent Strokes

The Hopkinson Family:
It consists of a father, a mother, three children and a stupid cat.
The five (and a half-ish) could become the most outrageous sitcom you have ever experienced.
No. Joke.
Here are some screenplays (is that what you call em?) I have written. Ok not really. They actually happened people. This is real life, not the matrix. Prepare yourself for awesomeness and attractiveness.


[Camera is at back of an LDS Chapel. Camera pans down to a pew near the middle of the right section. Family is seated left to right as such: Andy, Kevin, Nicole, Mom, Dad. Quiet whispers fill the room as the meeting is just about to begin]

ANDY:  Wanna hear a joke?
ANDY: What did the hand say to the face?
ANDY: Slap!!!! 

[Andy then slaps Nicole in the face] 



[Enter the same scene as ACT I. The meeting has just started and the Bishop is speaking and the opening song is just about to begin. Andy leans in close to Kevin and Nicole]

ANDY: We should come up with ironic superhero names for ourselves
NICOLE: What do you mean?
ANDY: Like Kevin would be The Flash*
NICOLE: What would I be?
ANDY: Hawk Girl
NICOLE: How is that ironic?
ANDY: Because you can't fly!
NICOLE: That's the lamest ironic superhero name I've ever heard
ANDY: [Mockingly] Fine, you can be wonderwoman!
NICOLE: No. You can be wonderwoman, because you're a boy!
KEVIN: He can be The Brainiac

[family proceeds to laugh all throughout opening song and prayer]


*Kevin is a gimp. No I am NOT making fun of my brother. Anyone who knows us knows that he himself came up with that nickname and he embraces it. So it is ironic that he be called The Flash, when he can't run worth anything. However, if anyone but family and close friends call him the gimp, you will pay. Have a nice day :)


[Enter scene of Hopkinson Family kitchen. All members are seated around the table happily feasting on dinner. The TV is on and the family is watching a show about science and religion]

NICOLE: I hate scientists
ANDY: I hate robots
KEVIN: I hate clowns



[A few minutes later than ACT III, the channel is changed and the family is now watching a show about....who knows what? Something about politics]

NICOLE: Is that what they're calling it now? "The Great Recession"?
ANDY: I'm calling it Frank
NICOLE: Frank's an ugly name
ANDY:....for an ugly time


Yep. Thats my fam. Call me if you're interested in producing something. Cause this is priceless material right here. If you don't like it, then it's a good thing you're not apart of this marvelous family.

Peace yo :)


Me and my two-woman-pokemon-wranglin gang

Sometimes my best friend and I plan random last minute sleepovers. But that's okay. Because it's never awkward as we figured out.

And because I know you are all sooo jealous of our adventures, I will break it down for you


1. You must plan it at the last minute. Because planning ahead of time is for squares. And it's hip to be a square. (Name that artist and I'll give you a hug)

2. Do not eat dinner with your family but instead go to Wendy's and pig out. However you must drive separate cars to your dining facility of choice because you are young and you can both drive but you can't drive each other.

3. Then upon arriving home, you pop in a tape of someone's dance recital video and watch a few numbers.

4. And a sleepover wouldn't be complete without a hot tubbing party, eh? It lasts for about 2-3 hours (or until feet are so hideously pruned you can't stand it). During said alotted time for hot tub goodness, you discuss boys, awkwardness, randomness, you text boys, and come up with analogies and quotes.

5. Now it's movie time. Pick your favorite movie. Preferably a chick flick (today was set aside for Harry Potter as Dani is reading them for the first time. I'm so proud :). I would recommend tons of sugar, soda (with caffeine cuz I'm a rebel) and activities to keep you alert and awake. Although if you both fall asleep it doesn't matter because sleep is divine.

Some analogies for you to think about (and may or may not have had names taken out and/or have been edited):

"[Boys] are like puppies. Nicole just can't have a puppy."

"Boys are like pokemon. They're just not good until they evolve."


I'm losin it

I feel like I'm drowning.
I literally do.

There are so many assignments I have yet to turn in that have been due for many eons.
I am up to my neck in homework. And the sad thing is, I have the time to do it.
I just am freaking out because I don't know what to do. Sometimes I just panic and I can't breath and I have to tell myself that I have to focus if I want to get into BYU.

BYU is the ONLY option. Because let's face it, it is.

........I used to be smart. I really did.........
I was in GT (Gifted and Talented. And yes I AM bragging)
I was special
I was tested (not for being crazy)
I. was. SMART

But now I feel ordinary. And that's ok. I just don't know how to keep up with everyone else. And by everyone else I mean homework.

Why can't I have my smart brain back?


Thoughts for the day

Another list. Cry me a river. This is how I roll. If my mom were to ask me, "What did you learn at school today," this would be my response:

¿I hate courier font. HATE. IT. It's ugly

¿Theta looks like a pokeball

¿I hope I get this job. Please say those judges had a sense of humor and realize I was bold and daring instead of insensitive and cruel.

¿I love you appendix. Please don't burst on me.

¿Clinton, please show up to practice or I'll stop saying please.
¿I shouldn't be allowed to touch scissors when trimming my own bangs. Hello headbands and bobby pins

¿Please buy ballroom tickets

¿I want a raspberry beret
¿Hey YOU. Yeah. YOU. Please buy a ballroom ticket and come watch me :) (yes Rachel I said it TWICE! Whatcha gonna do!?)

¿I'm excited for half day :)

¿I made my senior year schedule.

¿Why are your hugs awkward?

¿Banana bread soon

¿Someone wanna play a legit game of Risk and/or Monopoly? Please say yes

¿I like closing my eyes and listening to concerts rather than watching them

¿Hercules vs. Physics. Hercules wins every time

¿Be a Russian. Not "a-rushin"

¿Just ask me on a date already


Top 10 reasons YOU should come to my concert:

Alas, today was a 5 hour ballroom tech rehearsal! Hoo-rah.
I only bring this up because that means the Christmas Ballroom Concert is just around the corner! So next Friday and Saturday, you should clear your schedule for your favorite ballroom dancer and buys a ticket from ME. Not some other person. But me, Nicole Marie.

And to help persuade you if you are having doubts about coming, here are some reasons to buy a ticket:

1. You love me
2. You love ballroom
3. You love watching me dance ballroom
4. I might possibly stick a fake gun to you head if you don't.
5. I might cry if you don't
6. There are TONS of new dances so I promise it won't be boring or the same as last year.
7. Tickets are only $4 for you school-going kids
8. You love me.
9. You may not love me but you love someone else in ballroom. But you still buy a ticket from me because I asked you first and you still love me enough to know that the threats are real ;)
10. You secretly want to come anyways so don't hide that feeling. Just come. It's ok!

Now don't you wanna come? Yes, that's what I thought. Oh and 11. I may or may not bake you banana bread. Guess you'll just have to come and find out, huh?

P.S. An edit for the last post: just so you don't think I'm a skank, NOTHING HAPPENED. I was just a-wishin. Wishing, people. That is all :)


Spreadin' Rhythm Around

Sooooo......I will talk about dance again. This is your warning and chance to look away.
Okay that's enough prior warning.
Anywho, on the night of Monday I went to my little cousins dance recital. We will call her little missy. And holy crap batman. She was the cutesyest thing EVAH. I haven't seen something that cute since I was 3 years old! So then it got me thinking: I was in dance once. I had a few dance recitals at one point in my life. And I KNEW we had a video of the whole recital somewhere. Problem was, it is still in the pile of junk in our storage room that has existed since we moved here 4 years ago. And it was a VHS.. Boo.

But I was determined to find it and whaddya know? I did :D (AND I found Saturdays Warrior and Thumb Wars so if you wanna watch that, I now have access to that awesomeness!)

I found the tiniest TV in existance that miraculously had a VCR. I know great, right?
Then I plugged it up in my room, scooted real close to it, rewound it to my numbers and had a party with myself.

Can I just say I was the cutesyest little dancer in the world (except of course for little missy :)

That video brought back priceless memories that will stick with me for forever. And it also made me miss dance. Yeah I know I'm a ballroom dancer, but that doesn't fill the need. I wanna be able to feel the music and dance whatever I wanna. Ballroom has just set choreography. Don't get me wrong, I love it with my whole soul and I love bring able to act. However I miss the structure and craziness of ballet and tap.

When I moved here I was given the choice of finding a new dance studio or ballroom. It just worked out that I stuck with ballroom. I've had so many great times and met so many amazing people through Timpviews program. Then the days come along were I watch someone perform a heartfelt lyrical piece and I yearn for that.

I just wanna dance my soul out


Thoughts for you sane people

Here are the "juices of my brain" from today:

-What are "juices in your brain" anyways?

-If Dumbledore, Darth Vader, Gandolf, TMNT, and the Power Rangers were all to get in a duel, Dumbledore would definitely win.

-I'm pretty sure I had an imaginary friend named "Big Nicole" when I was little. Still haven't quite figured that one out yet...

-I want to be a witch

-"There are no boys to be had in jail." So don't kill their girlfriends or else you'll go there and have nobodys

-I hate Bingo.
So. Much.

-Whoever said I was better at standard than Latin was wro-ong

-Do you think if I practice more I'll get better?

-I really need to do something with David Archuleta in my room....

-Arps and craps please??

-I want a Newtons Cradle. Twas the only thing awesome about physics. I know what I want for Christmas :)

-I wonder where my old dance recital video is?

-I have a purpose that no other can fulfill

-Raise your right hand and repeat after me:
I will be nice to others.
That is all


Who's wicked now?

We used to be such good friends.
Like Glinda and Elphaba.
And no matter what you think of me, "because I knew you, I have been changed for good".
But the only thing I can't figure out is..
which one of us is Elphaba?......


Disney read my mind

Because I'm such a not-boring person I shall post the lyrics to a song. But a favorite song with my commentary in parenthesis (for no reason of course). Behold:

[Meg] (a.k.a. Nicole):
If there's a prize for rotten judgement (rotten? Try horribly disgusting)
I guess I've already won that (every day if my life)
No man is worth the aggravation (where's my rock?)
That's ancient history (or recent)
Been there, done that (can I get a hallelujah?!)

[Muses] (a.k.a Emily, Vanessa, and Lynnsay):
Who'd ya think you're kiddin' (I'm not kiddin....)
He's the Earth and heaven to ya (ya got me there)
Try to keep it hidden (well, DUH!)
Honey, we can see right through ya (I knoooow)
Girl, ya can't conceal it (I never could)
We know how ya feel (I know I should listen to your advice...)
And who you're thinking of (to remain nameless)

No chance, no way
I won't say it, no, no (I mean business)

You swoon, you sigh
why deny it, uh-oh (there's no proooof) 

It's too cliche
I won't say I'm in love (and I do NOT do cliche)

I thought my heart had learned its lesson (J.O.)
It feels so good when you start out (mmmhmmm. But only because he's so nice and gorge)
My head is screaming get a grip girl- (I just can't seem to learn my lesson, can I?)
Unless you're dying to cry your heart out (Not true)
Oh (sing it again sister!)

You keep on denying (just ask Emily!)
Who you are and how you're feeling (Oh do I?......yeah. I do)
Baby, we're not buying 
Hon, we saw ya hit the ceiling (I'm not that obsessive, am I?)
Face it like a grown-up (you don't even know how much I wish I could)
When ya gonna own up (not until he does)
That ya got, got, got it bad (ok, FINE!)

No chance, no way  
I won't say it, no, no (didn't you hear me the first time?)

Give up, give in (he is really nice. And pretty cute ;)
Check the grin you're in love (I need to tone down the grin..)

This scene won't play, (I wish a certain scene would though)
I won't say I'm in love

You're doin flips, read our lips (my stomach is)
You're in love (stop saying that!)

You're way off base (don't you see how this could end?)
I won't say it (don't make me turn ugly)
Get off my case (it could end badly!)  
I won't say it (uhxgtyi!sthklu?fcbnyd <---- my feelings)

Girl, don't be proud (I'm not proud, I just-I just...)
It's okay you're in love (I wish it were okay)

Oh (.....please, oh please, oh please, oh please!)
At least out loud, (or to him)
I won't say I'm in love
(so it's come to this, has it?)  


An Ode to Gentlemen

Boys are stupid.
Boys are great.
Boys are weird.
Throw rocks at them.
But here is an ode to the oh so wonderful gentlemen that I know.

This is a crazy boy who I'm convinced is my long lost twin. And I act like his mother 99% of the time. People say we're in love or that we're supposed to be in love, but I disagree. I can't marry my brother sicko! We actually look quite alike in my opinion (but no one ever asks for my opinion). I thank him immensely for dealing with my controlling personality and for putting up with me for almost 5 years. He is sometimes called a womanizer (sadly by me. I'll stop one of these days...) and he gets on my nerves a lot, but I know the real him.

He is a gentleman

The next boy is someone who I've also grown close to over the past 5 years, He is a trooper like the before mentioned gentleman and has dealt with my annoyingness very well. We sit by each other often, we share some letters of names but we're never in love. He's just all around a good guy. And he shares mostly the same thoughts with me about dating and high school and such. He's definitely a friend for life. 

He is a gentleman

Although mistaken for a creeper and a guy who says unneeded awkward things, I now this guys heart is a heart of gold. Again, some people see the need for love to exist because of our unusual partnership, but I don't. I just like having fun times with him and having interesting yet hilarious conversations. I can't wait to see what next year brings with him. 

He is a gentleman

This guy was always there when I was an outcast. We share multiple things in common and most of the time have something to talk about. I've been on a date with this guy and he definitely was a gentleman. Sadly, I see less of him for more saddening reasons. Despite the fact that I see us slowly drifting apart as friends and I now feel a wedge between us,

He is a gentleman

What can I say about this guy? I feel as if I've known him since the pre-existence. Even awkward things aren't awkward around him because our whole friendship is based off of that! I used to once be in love with him (hence the awkwardness) but times have changed and the friendship is still strong. Although I wouldn't mind if he felt the same as I once did ;) There is no doubt

He is a gentleman

I wish this guy was my brother. Cause then I could live with him and have an excuse to say yams and hear all the funny things he says. And even though some people only see his funny side, I've had the pleasure to listen to his intellectual side (most of the time over facebook chat). Little does he know he has taught me so much. He doesn't think he's done anything but he's prepared me for the future with tons of success. I would be nowhere without this friend. I wish I could convert him to a pocketbook with all his...interesting advice.

He is a gentleman

This guy is freaking amazing. Some girls I know love him, but they think he's cheesy and tries to hard to appear smart. But I think it's cute :) We have the weirdest, randomest, deepest, insanest, and awesomest conversations about absolutely nothing (or sometimes the meaning of life). They mean something to me. I just hope they mean something to him. But most like this closet love will continue undiscovered. Sigh. 

He is a true gentleman

Thank you gentleman for all the lessons you've taught me and all the fun times we've had together.
Continue to be who you are and hold those doors open for ladies :)
Love ya!



I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you

Lately I've been thinking a lot about love. I SWEAR this is not another typical teenage heartache. I realize I'm only 16 but sometimes I feel like I think about love differently. Maybe not, but still.

And yes I just have to talk about my new dance coaches, Tia and Marie (Tia is the guy. He's Polynesian. Don't judge his name) You may say I'm obsessed, and....sometimes I can't deny that :) But I observe things about them that maybe others don't. And Tia and Marie are perfect examples of my feelings. Sometimes I stalk people. And again, lately I've been...observing them. If they knew they would probably think I'm some creeper. But I mean it in the most sincerest form of flattery!

Tia and Marie are seriously one of the cutest couples I've ever seen. They've only been married for over a year so I'd still consider them newlyweds. And when I said I wanted to be just like them when I grow up, I meant it. Although the extreme dancing skills would be nice, I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about LOVE. The way they act around each other is just.......AH! I don't even have an adjective to describe it. In dance, you can really tell they love each other. Tia touches her like she's a fragile object or like nothing else in the world is more important. When Marie walks into medleys, she walks over to where Tia is sitting, and then he stands up and offers her the chair like a real gentleman should. Or sometimes she just sits on his lap and he puts his arms around her waist. Right about now some people are cringing and thinking that's weird, and gross, and they need to not do that in front of their students. But it's so subtle that I bet no one notices except me, the creepy stalker! 

Then, at the BYU competition on Friday they competed in Amateur Latin. That is the highest level of competition you can dance in without being considered a professional. Plus they got to the semi-finals which is freaking amazing! It was really fun to see them dance because we never got to see Craig and Brittney compete. So of course I was there in the front row to watch them! I was greatly anticipating watching their rumba. A few days earlier, Tia had choreographed our rumba and it was amazing! There was one bit of choreography he gave us where I dropped down, gazed up into Clintons eyes, and he framed my face with his hands. As I mentioned in earlier posts, we were having troubling making it look natural. So Tia grabbed Marie to show us what it was supposed to look like. It was so....passionate. I could only dream of what their routine would look like! Oh baby I was not disappointed. It was full of what I have come to call "Kodak moments" - the moments that just freeze time and you could take a picture right then. It was perfection.

So Amateur includes all five Latin dances: Chacha, samba, rumba, paso doble, and jive. Dancing all dances at the level they are at and in multiple back to back rounds is quite an accomplishment, so I applaud them for that. After each round you could tell they got a little tired, but you could barely notice. But when it got to the semifinal round where there was only one heat and no breaks in between dances, everyone was about dead. So after dancing four dances, the fourth being paso and the last being jive (two of which require the most energy), I thought they were going to cry or faint. Tia then took Marie in his arms and kissed her on the forehead.
I wanted to die. And, contrary to Clinton's and mine ability, they could actually keep a straight face. Well, DUH they could. They weren't acting. It was real. And it's something I want in my life. Obviously not now. But later when I'm with my future husband. I want both the emotional yet physical connection with him, no matter the age. Because even when you're 100 years, you shoul still be madly in love. And see? Aren't I weird? I'm pretty sure I'm the only teenage girl thinking about those sorts of things in this sort of way. Thinking about how real love is supposed to be. Not teenage crushes or relationships. I want rumba love. REAL love. I want to dance rumba with my future husband dang it!    

And I can't wait for:
•My wedding day and the joy of walking out of the temple knowing you're sealed for ETERNITY
•The joy of being able to kiss your husband whenever you please
•The joy of cuddling with him
•The ability to gaze into his eyes without cracking up because it would never be awkward. Ever
•The joy of looking at your first newborn child and raising your children
•The satisfaction of marrying your best friend and knowing you can talk about anything
•Rumba love 



So. Much. Happiness!!

I know the BYU competition was last weekend, but it was so much freaking fun! So it deserves a post no matter how late. And since I like to make lists, here is yet another list of why it was such a marvelous day!

•I got to spend most of the day with my cousin and best friend Miss Lynnsay Ray.

•Even though Clinton and I didn't get a callback in Novice, it was so much fun and I can't until the Provo comp!

•"Um...the president of the whole relief society of the church is sitting behind us so you probably shouldn't say Jesus..."

•I saw Coach Jessica with her baby. And during a general dance, she and her husband went out to dance with him between them. Presh!

•I went to Jamba Juice and couldn't decide whether to get an original or power sized. But I felt good so said what the heck and got the power. Little did I know it was power hour and power sizes were priced as originals. SCORE!

•I saw one of my favorite people Audrey Jensen (well, formally Jensen) and we talked and I just love her to death.

•The opportunity to watch my coaches dance was the best thing of my life.

Gotta love dance


Here we go again

My missionary is in the hospital.

Just thought you should know.

I don't know what's going on

And I'm scared.

Please, Heavenly Father. Spare him


Pink zebras

Ahhh. Finally. The BYU competition has arrived!

I've been waiting so, so long for this. The funny part is it's not like it's anything special. It's just our next one :)

Certain things I've done to prepare are...slightly weird. For example I got home today from the post marching band partay and I decided to try on my latin dress, just to make sure it fit. Since I haven't worn it for almost 6 months, I forgot how much I loved it and then I proceeded to wear it around the house and clean my room in it. It's pink zebra (which I somehow have a minor obsession with) and sparkly.

And then I got a tan today. Yeah yeah. LAUGH. I know it's a super easy target. Call me "fake bake" and "oompa loompa" or ask me if I knew my skin turned orange, but

Really, I don't. Cause yes, I will admit it. I secretly like getting tans.
No, I'm not an obsessive tanner. In all reality I loathe the process of getting one. But I can't deny the joy it brings me to every once in a while see my pasty white skin transform to a sun-kissed glow. It's quite amazing!

Oh dancing.
How I love you!

And I can't wait to reveal our new samba and rumba. They are SMOKIN. I'm quite in love. And needless to say those are my favorite two dances.
Samba: because it's fun. Who doesn't want to party while they dance?
Rumba: because it's slow, controlled, and yes, SPICY

Marie told Clinton and I today that we couldn't laugh tomorrow during rumba (for those non-ballroom dancers out there, a.k.a. The dance of love). She only said that because we couldn't keep a straight face while he was...uh...attempting to... "caress" my face. She told us to pretend we were in love.

Well that didn't work

So we vowed we wouldn't laugh or smile. But it's really hard. Because even though I CAN sometimes be an actor and I really DO love pretending to be in love and dance passionately, Clinton's like my brother and it was somewhat awkward. Eventually though we did it once without cracking up and she complimented us. Little did she know I just imagined another certain boys face over his. It did the trick ;)

Oooooh. Oh oh. And guess what? Craig and Brittney are coming! And I love them with all my being. I love Tia and Marie, but there is always the softest spot in my heart for my old coaches. And I can't wait to see them again!

Last amazing thing about tomorrow. Tia and Marie will be dancing Amatuer Latin. And oh baby
will that be dee-vine.

Cannot wait.


Little wonders

So it has been brought to my attention by a certain special friend that I may or may not be sounding emo. And I do admit the past few posts have been a bit...depressing. But I swear I'm as happy as can be. I just have some inner frustration that needs to be vented somewhere :)

So to do a 180 turn, here are the little things in the past few days that I am thankful for (since it is the month of Thanksgiving and all)

-Today when Laura's phone went off in Symphonic Band. The best part being her ringtone was "Kissin U" by Miranda Cosgrove. Priceless

-Today in English when Rachel threw an animal cracker into my mouth. And it made it. On the first try. BOOM.

-Yesterday when Emily took me out to lunch and we saw DF at Costco and we had interesting conversations about Christmas music and churros. And we awkwardly danced at stoplights for cars next to us to see.

-Clintons awkwardness. I bet it's quite entertaining to watch us attempt rumba. Like when he's supposed to caress my face, he ends up looking like a magician and then we both end up laughing for 10 minutes straight.

-Hobby Lobby. And the things you can get there. Like craft projects that include making pink zebra fabric scrap flip flops. I don't care if it's 30 degrees outside, I WILL wear them one day soon

-Today when that same special friend mentioned above asked if I was alright. It made me feel cared about and special and loved and other warmth bringing things. Thank you. You know who you are.

-Missionary letters that bring a good example to my life.

-Random outbreaks of Saturdays Warrior songs and quotes with my twin all throughout the day. Which brought inspiration for the start of a Saturdays Warrior club next year that I will be in charge of. Thank you very much.

-Ugly sweaters are pretty cool. I don't know why. But they are.

-The fall colors are gorgeous and for some reason I haven't exactly noticed their awesomeness until this year. I have a never-ending quest to find someone who wants to rake the leaves outside the band room with me and jump in them 6 bajillion times or until we're too tired so we go home and bake banana bread. Or macaroni and cheese (only because I'm craving it at the moment). Oh, and possibly document the adventure because it would be soo worth it.

-Coco Chanel. I can always play my clarinet and be happy. The end.

-The fact that tomorrow I will get out of Physics early due to the veterans assembly. That made my entire MONTH.

Life is good.




sorry that's the biggest font I could find

I wish I was making this up

What is this?
                               some kind of contest?

You're like.......an amoeba
yeah......I guess that analogy works

You thrive off attention

  But it's not all your fault

only a teensy bit isn't
                     That teensy  part is the stupid people buying into your ruse
and fueling your attention hungry fire.

If only, if only people had the smarts to see through the flames.

I'm sick of it

I'm sick of looking like the bad guy

 I'm sick of it

I'm sick of you looking like the victim

cuz you're not

 does anybody believe me?

i feel so alone 



Some thanks are in due

Thank you back
thank you for having to be of the curved variety.
It brings me much joy *cue sarcasm*
Like this morning when you woke me up at 4:00 a.m. and I proceeded to attempt to discover that one spot that wouldn't cause pain, but I never found it.

Thank you brain
thank you for being so paranoid all the live long day. Like when I hear people whispering in the halls and I freak. And it's not just random peeps. Friends trigger it too, and that's the scariest part...

Thank you genetics
thanks for being so downright crappy with a capital C. My spine will die, my colon will die, my ears will die, my skin will die, my eyes will die, my brain will die and who knows what else.

Now happiness that I plan to use to cancel out and destroy this negative attitude

Thank you Shankapottamus
thanks for being a gimongo example :)

Thank you hope
thanks for being...well, hopeful. Uncle Roger is apparently "going out" with some chick. AND
she has a little boy! Don't get me wrong, I love me my Uncle Rog. But with his smoking, age, piercing, slight temper, and the fact that he still lives in his mother's basement, we never thought this day would come. With this new development, it just shows that there is a little more hope in the world.

Thank you friends
Thank. You.
Muchos. Gracias
especially at the moment a certain lady named Emily and a certain wonderwoman Lynnsay. Life wouldn't be the same without you and there is not enough thanks in the world to repay y'all

Thank you T-Swift
thank you for expressing feelings which I could never dream of putting into words.

Thank you dreams
thanks for letting me imagine situations that will never happen. It was nice while it lasted :)

No matter how much negative stuff I say (cuz let's face it, even if I try to stop, I'm still gonna vent to someone) I will always have something to look forward to. I'm still a nice person.......

sorta :)


Lessons Learned

So as to not forget the numerous and important lessons I have learned today or in the past few days, I will write them down here no matter how silly. Maybe even YOU can learn something to.....

-Don't stick steaming hot broccoli into your mouth and keep it there. This results in a burnt tongue, even if you DO love broccoli

-Don't stick your favorite and only wand in your boot. You'll forget about it, change your position, and snap it in half like Ron Weasley. 

-Don't wear your favorite and only brown boots to marching band rehearsal which has turned into a muddy wonderland.

-Don't NOT do you Spanish Essay that is apparently 1/3 of your total grade. You'll regret it. I promise.

-Being in a grumpy mood doesn't help anyone

-Studying for your AP World History test is a good thing

-Check your grades more often

-Physics is hell

So you probably only need to know that last thing. No, seriously though. Remember that children.      



Why can't I?

Am I allowed to cry real freaking tears caused by










I can't get it.


I just can't. Why can't I succeed? I try. I try oh so hard.
And tears are coming out of my face. For something stupid.

Nicole, just look at the eternal perspective of life. Maybe that'll help......


And the winner is...

I am SOO glad to be apart of a band who's focus isn't winning. In dance, it's so skewed and different. Provo high is consistently being, well, JERKS. And to be considered good, you have to win. And you have to beat Provo, Extreme, and BYU. That is most of the times our inner goal. It's not spoken, but it's felt. And sometimes I get a little crazy in dance. I'm a whole different person. And sometimes I don't like it.

For example at Thunderball yesterday, the only thing I had on my mind was to beat Provo High. And now looking back on it, I feel like the jerk. But I so badly wanted to beat them at our OWN competition. And we didn't think it was possible with a harder than hard, semi-unclean, trick-filled dance. People told us we did amazing. But the sad part is, I don't know how we did but I'm glad we got first place. Which totally contradicts my band mindset. I need to change that. Our next show will be better 

But in a very successful school where a lot is expected, it's nice to not think about that in one of my many activities. DF said that just because we have Timpviews name stamped on us, it doesn't mean we're good. I agree. But I don't want to succeed BECAUSE we're Timpview. That
would be silly. I just want to be good. 

As Bao and I were standing there at the Alta competition award ceremony, nervously controlling the band, I watched others. I watched Riverton talk smack to us when they took 2 captions. I watched West Lake freak out at attention when they won a ton of things. And I watched Provo humbly accept a place maybe they felt was lower than expected. And for a girl who normally lives for the thrill of competition and winning, it was hard to accept. But I did. I finally realized after three years of being a member of the THS marching band, how to accept defeat. But I wouldn't even call it defeat, because I don't care. It's so nice to not care.

And then DF said something really profound the other day (okay when does he not say something deep?). He stated that he watched us after the BYU show. We had just done our little mini flush and were called to relax.

And we FREAKED out. 

We all knew how special a show that was. And we knew that it was something to make a big deal about. But Dr. Fullmer put it best: we reacted like other bands do when they win first place at the awards ceremony. But we hadn't won anything yet. We didn't have a physical trophy. We had each other and our music. I didn't even notice how true that is until now but we do that at most every competition. And I'm glad most everyone has that mindset. 

Sure it's nice to win first place and gain recognition. And the competition aspect does bring an edge to it. But what if you didn't deserve it? And mainly,
         What if you don't CARE?   


Can't we just do it like the Muslims and throw 7 stones at a pillar?

My. Life. Is. Crazy.

Or should I say insane?

And lots of things happen to me. Some things I caused and others just happened. But everything happens because of a choice you made, right? Eh. I dunno. Either way, I'm sorry for a lot of things. And I know just typing it out isn't gonna make everything better. But...it's a start! And if anything, it's therapuetic for me.

I'm sorry for....

-hitting your car
-not cleaning my room
-not wearing my rubber bands when I should
-not helping you
-not doing my duties
-hearts that I hurt needlessly
-talking behind your back
-not having self-worth in the past
-succumbing to temptation every once in a while
-mooching off of you
-not listening in sacrament meeting
-making things REAllY awkward
-for liking you
-not writing you letters
-making the line too steep
-blaming the line problem on Clinton
-not keeping my promise to you
-not eating lunch with you
-not returning your lab coat and goggles
-judging you
.....and you
-being mean to you
....and you
-being in a bad mood all the time
-trying to take control
-not knowing your name
-freshman year
-hoping you'd quit
-ignoring you

it's not easy to repent.
But I'll make these things right.
Maybe not right away.
But little by little.
I can change


Please hang up and try again

     It started out like any normal General Conference Sunday. The house was dead quiet as everyone attempted to sleep in until pajama church began. But eventually we all aroused from slumber and gathered in the living room. Things were normal - for the most part.
     My eldest brother, Andy, was, as usual, waiting until the last possible moment that he had to join us. My dad was telling him to put away his phone and pay attention - until 20 minutes later, he, himself fell asleep. My madre was gathering her stowed away quilt she is sewing for their bed. It's been a work-in-progress for 4 1/2 years and probably will continue to be one for awhile as she only works on it during conference. And I was in my snuggie, munching on snacks, struggling to keep my eyes open amidst the soothing voices of the Prophet. These are the normal inner workings of the Hopkinson family on conference Sunday. Then things got weird........
     Just as the choir was beginning to sing, we heard our cat, Nacho, impatiently meowing from the balcony above. We could even see him taunting us - poking his little devil-eared head between the bars. But it wasn't the normal meow. It was annoying, almost kitten-like or sick "mew" (yes, when you say it omit the "o" sound). At first, it was funny. Our family likes to make fun of Nacho since he's such a psychotic and entertaining cat. But my dad told me to go upstairs and check on him. Upon further investigation, I found that Nacho had puked up who knows what on the carpet. Immediately he was put outside. I found this funny but no one else was laughing. And you have to know the story behind Nacho's name to get the full effect. So here we go.........

Once upon a time my dad randomly brought home a cat.
That's every girls dream, right? Well I guess it was ok........
But we found out it had an irregular digestion system......
And it had devil horn shaped ears. No joke......
And it spent most its time outside and not cuddling and purring with you.....
And it was a cold blooded killer and ate little creatures in front of you....
But mostly it just "crapped everywhere" (as my dad put it)
So we had to name it to claim ownership. But not just any ole name. Because the Hopkinson family pets are special. They EARN their names. For example:

Bandit the dog stole things.
Chewy the dog chewed things.
Comet the hamster was fast.

Get it?
So anyways we could have lots of fun with this name. He looks like the devil, why not name him Satan? Nah...the bishop and hometeachers might ask questions....Spock? No sirree we are NOT Star Trek fans.
Eventually, our carpet cleaner was getting a workout. And then I suddenly burst out,

"He's had the diarrheas since Easters!"

Hehe. I crack myself up. And for those who don't know. That's from Nacho Libre.
What you say?! Nacho! Exactly. That's where it came from. And it stuck. But we still just mostly call it "cat" because it doesn't answer to anything.

Now back to the present.

So my dad pulled out the carpet cleaner/vacuum and I couldn't hear anything, so I missed all of President Eyring's talk. Sad day.

So then I got some juice. And it was one of those days I thought I was really thirsty, so I poured myself a full glass of the delicious stuff. But I soon realized I wasn't that thirsty and I couldn't finish the juice. That's the worse, ain't it? So, with the heaviest heart, I dumped it down the drain of the sink and proceeded to feel bad for the children in Africa. I am such a waster.

Then I thought of Kevin. He wasn't laying on the ground like he normally is during conference. I was instead. And he is somewhere in Seattle - probably actually listening to conference like a good missionary. And we always look for the 4 handed organist.
I saw him today.
I hope Kevin remembered and saw him too.

Lastly during President Monson's LAST talk during the LAST session of the LAST day, my dad randomly decides to go and check on Andy's car and whaddya know? He discovers a leak of sorts. So outside they go to fix it. Then conference ended and my dad missed the epic voice at the end saying, "This has been a broadcast of the 180th Semiannual General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints..." He always imitates it. He does it so well.

So all in all,
                                            things were weird
Since Kevin left on his mission, things just get weirder and weirder. Sometimes I feel so alone. And I should I guess because there are only 4 people at home now, but that's not what I'm talking about. Our house always has to be in perfect working condition, and my dad is constantly fixing something to maintain that order. It's his life since he retired and its driving me C.R.A.Z.Y. My mom is always working at home or doing something to contribute to band or dance. Andy is just plain addicted to video games.

Everyone just seems so caught up in the logistics of life.
Everything else is right except for the fact that we have become disconnected from each other.


What If

Sorry this is slightly long. If you don't want to read it, fine. It's for posterity.

What if, what if, what if. THAT is what's running through my mind at the moment.

What if I didn't move to Utah?
                                                      What if I never picked up a clarinet?

What if I hadn't learned how to match semi-fashionable clothes?

                                                                                               What if I never became drum major?

                 What if I was never put on the ballroom team?

What if I had stayed friends with that
one certain person?

           What if I never had the Gospel in my life?

                                                            WHAT IF?

     Ouch. It makes my brain hurt. Does it make your brain hurt? Probably not. You don't know about my life. So this isn't complicated for you.
     But seriously though, what if these things had happened (or didn't happened as mentioned)? I would be a totally different person. I'd probably have no friends. I'd be a loser. A nobody. That was the pathway my life was taking. That's why the first what if is most important: moving to Utah. Man it sucked at the time. Bottom line: I had no friends. But I changed and grew.

I realized I wasn't as shy as I thought.
I realized I actually DID want to be in marching band.
I realized that moving WAS for the better
I realized I shouldn't wear tennis shoes and a t-shirt and jeans to school everyday
I realized people in Utah don't know what American Girl is, so don't bring it up in conversations
I realized how to not be socially awkward
I pretty much realized who I was. Cliche, I know. Get over it.

      And now. Life is sooo much better. But I'm scared. I want to curl up in the fetal position and go back to the easy days where I was the socially awkward tween. Its scary to think I have so much to live up to. Especially with being Drum Major. And it's not like I'm bragging about it. Exactly the opposite. Sometimes I wish I hadn't tried out and I could just be a regular section leader who might go for band president one day. Less responsibility but still enough to make a difference. I know I should just step up to the plate and just do it but how do I do it when I don't know anything?! David asked me today, "If you were to become Drum Major right now, and take over today, what would you feel less prepared on?" My answer?


Sometimes I just have mini panic attacks and freak out because I don't know what I'm doing. I can't do this. What if I screw up? Oh man, I can't screw up. Ever. But then what if? And it goes on and on and on into this cycle of consequences!

I'm glad my life has gone the way it's gone so far. But It makes me sad. I miss my old friends with no drama. My old high school with Texas traditions. My old house with good memories. Thinking about the path I was supposed to take and had been planning since I was 6 seems so far away.
-I was supposed to be on Journalism instead of taking band. I was going to be a writer.
-I had never even heard of Ballroom. I was supposed to be Clara in the Nutcracker in the San Francisco Ballet.
-I was supposed to be on the Belles Drill Team. And watching all my friends experience that breaks my heart
-I was supposed to go to Samuel Clemens High School like both my brothers. I would experience the normal Texas high school experience. Don't step on the buffalo mosaic. Make a mum for homecoming (oh mums I miss you!). Go to Friday Night Lights.
-Somebody lives in my old house and is swimming in my pool :(
-My old ward has been split three times and changed its name, but I still love you Randolph Ward.

First day of first grade. Yeah I'm cute. You can adore it. And I guess I did match clothes, but my mom dressed me. Personally I'm digging the sparkly puple tennis shoes.

And this is one of my best friends, Caroline. This picture is pure joy. I don't think I've ever been happier.. Just ignore the hair and clothes :)

And these are my friends and girls camp. Danielle, Me and Steve (Jessica). I actually have friends. It's a miracle.

I'd say I am reasonably well dressed in this photo. I've come a long way.
And this picture shows it

I guess I have to come to a realization that those "what if's" are just that. They are things I can't control. But still. Siiiiiiiiigh.

oh the things I was supposed to do.


Everybody clap your hands!

As you all may know, ballroom went on a little tour. In case you missed it or are jealous you didn't get to partake, or even if you did go and just want to remind yourself of the good times, read on my friend.

Most of these events occured on Bus 2 a.k.a the party bus.
Things we've learned on ballroom tour:

-Old people will love you no matter what (except see bullet immediately below)

-Old people don't like skanky teenagers, so don't be one

-Middle schoolers on the other hand are not as easily pleased, so you have to be skanky

-Don't trust non-smoking rooms at Super 8's

-Don't leave your keys trapped IN the "non-smoking" room

-JV girls are very gullible
-Smoking kills

-If you're playing footsies with someone on the bus (*cough* Vanessa), you WILL get stuck

-St. George is NOT Idaho so don't wear sweats

-Some coaches care if you jump on the hotel beds. Our coaches however do not

-If you have a box of giant chocolate chip cookies and you want to keep some for yourself, don't hold them out openly

-Don't believe JV boys when they say there is something wrong with their bathroom. They'll lock you in.

-As Nicole said, polygamists do indeed visit St. George often and are a familiar sight

-Keeping on the same idea as the point listed above, Nicole is 98% of the time always right

-You only get stuck behind a slow car when your in a hurry
-Mini golf is ten bajillion times more fun when you don't care about scores. Or when you use your hands, feet, and mouth. Just don't throw your ball in the water.

-Cheating is a relative term. I like to call it strategizing. So it's okay if you "cheat" at little kids arcade games. They're asking for it.  



To semi quote one of my favorite bands Earth, Wind, and Earth: "Do you remember the very first night of September?". Okay okay. I know there could possibly be an even bigger Earth, Wind, and Fire fan out there saying, "Nicole, that is NOT how the song goes. If you had any sense you'd know they were specifically talking about the twenty-first night of September!". Yeah well I say whatever. It's a free country buster. And anyways, who cares about the 21st when the 1st was even better? And plus there is no other song that talks about the 1st. And I will always remember that day. Kevin went into the MTC. And now all those imaginary readers are tearing up and reaching for tissues. But you know what? I'm not :) I'm proud of my big brother. Yes, in the days to come I might realize exactly what I've lost and become crazy emotional. But right now, life's just gooooood. It's just weird. He's gone. GONE!
Kevin a.k.a. Gimpy is serving the Lord, which was something I never expected to happen. He had strokes and brain bleeds since he was 2 and has almost died (yes I know typical sob story). But this is different because I'm not sad. Just beaming with sisterly pride :D