A little, old place where we can get together

For those of you who may or may not know, I used to work at a snow cone shack.
I know, get your laughs out now.
I really did love it.
I think it was the best job I've ever had. Plus, it holds a special place in my heart since it was my first job ever. I worked there for 3 summers and I will truly miss it. I got to make children happy by hyping them up on sugar. It was the greatest.
But unfortunately, I am on to "bigger" and "better" things, even though I wish I could just work at a snow cone shack for the rest of my existence. It really is the life, I promise.

Anywho, this is a post dedicated to my dear Surf 'n Slurp. I will always love you and I hope that one day you run The Barn out of business. Because they are jerks who deserve to go broke.

So in honor of not working there, I thought I'd share the common questions/occurances I often experienced at the dear old shack and the things I wish  I could have said to the customers in response.

A question I was asked practically 100 times a day:
"What's in the flavor Maui Wowee?"
What I wish I could have said:
"How am I supposed to know? It's a made up flavor, okay? DEAL WITH IT OR LEAVE."

An old lady was having trouble getting money out of her GINORMOUS purse and said to me:
"You need a place like a ledge to put purses on."
What I wish I could have said:
"We're a snow cone shack, lady. Not a 5 star restaurant. NO."

On the days it would rain or be absolutely freezing, we would still get customers. And they would almost always say:
"It's freezing!"
as if in attempt to make their visit to a snow cone shack on a rainy day a humorous thing.
What I wish I could have said:
"Yet you're still here getting a snow cone, genius. Don't come complaining back to me when your snow cone inevitably disintegrates in the rain. And no, we don't give refunds for disintegrated snow cones."

People would constantly drive up in their cars and order through the tiny, low-to-the-ground window and block traffic in the narrow Day's parking lot as if we were a drive through.
What I wish I could have said:
And then I would have slammed the window.

"Can I get more than one flavor on my snow cone?"
What I wish I could have said:
"No. We run a Nazi establishment here. You only get one."

"Can I have a spoon?"
What I wish I could have said:
"No. Spoons are for cool people only. And unfortunately, you don't make that list. I have that list right here if you would like to see it."

A 12 year old girl who came at least once a day once asked me:
"You must make a ton of money! How much money do you make?"
What I wish I could have said:
"Oh, like a bajillion dollars an hour."
(Maybe it's a good thing I didn't lie to her and given her a warped reality of life.)

Often I would listen to orchestral movie scores from movies, operas or ballets, such as The Nutcracker. 
"Are you listening to the Nutcracker in there?"
What I wish I could have said:

It's a good thing I learned to think before I spoke.