And the winner is...

I am SOO glad to be apart of a band who's focus isn't winning. In dance, it's so skewed and different. Provo high is consistently being, well, JERKS. And to be considered good, you have to win. And you have to beat Provo, Extreme, and BYU. That is most of the times our inner goal. It's not spoken, but it's felt. And sometimes I get a little crazy in dance. I'm a whole different person. And sometimes I don't like it.

For example at Thunderball yesterday, the only thing I had on my mind was to beat Provo High. And now looking back on it, I feel like the jerk. But I so badly wanted to beat them at our OWN competition. And we didn't think it was possible with a harder than hard, semi-unclean, trick-filled dance. People told us we did amazing. But the sad part is, I don't know how we did but I'm glad we got first place. Which totally contradicts my band mindset. I need to change that. Our next show will be better 

But in a very successful school where a lot is expected, it's nice to not think about that in one of my many activities. DF said that just because we have Timpviews name stamped on us, it doesn't mean we're good. I agree. But I don't want to succeed BECAUSE we're Timpview. That
would be silly. I just want to be good. 

As Bao and I were standing there at the Alta competition award ceremony, nervously controlling the band, I watched others. I watched Riverton talk smack to us when they took 2 captions. I watched West Lake freak out at attention when they won a ton of things. And I watched Provo humbly accept a place maybe they felt was lower than expected. And for a girl who normally lives for the thrill of competition and winning, it was hard to accept. But I did. I finally realized after three years of being a member of the THS marching band, how to accept defeat. But I wouldn't even call it defeat, because I don't care. It's so nice to not care.

And then DF said something really profound the other day (okay when does he not say something deep?). He stated that he watched us after the BYU show. We had just done our little mini flush and were called to relax.

And we FREAKED out. 

We all knew how special a show that was. And we knew that it was something to make a big deal about. But Dr. Fullmer put it best: we reacted like other bands do when they win first place at the awards ceremony. But we hadn't won anything yet. We didn't have a physical trophy. We had each other and our music. I didn't even notice how true that is until now but we do that at most every competition. And I'm glad most everyone has that mindset. 

Sure it's nice to win first place and gain recognition. And the competition aspect does bring an edge to it. But what if you didn't deserve it? And mainly,
         What if you don't CARE?