When the truth is, I miss you.

"When's your graduation?"
"May 24th."

"Oh, darn. I think that's when [the person that I'm not even blood related to who I've adopted as my new family because you aren't good enough] is having her baby, so I don't know if I can come."

     The time I broke your newly bought choker at the store (accidentally of course)? You turned Millie and your parents against me because you thought I did it on purpose out of jealousy.
     The time I was leaving Grandma's house after our family vacation? I was 3 and you were 4 and you came up to me and smugly said, "You're leaving. I don't have to be nice to you anymore."
     When we went to Disney World for the Hopkinson family reunion? When everyone was picking out souvenirs, I told you that you couldn't get a King's crown because only boys wore them and you were a girl. You ignored me and my mom scolded me till I actually felt bad about it.
     When we played gas station in Grandma's backyard and we took turns being the station manager pumping the gas into the coveted, beloved tricycle.
     Playing in Grandma's tree house in her cherry tree? You introduced me to cherries and I absolutely hated them. Now it's chopped away and gone.
     When we went to Seven Peaks and we both decided to ditch the scary rides and go in the wave pool with Shannon. While sitting in our tubes, the waves started and were bigger than we thought they would. We got separated and were scared for our lives.
     Playing beanie babies and singing Disney songs while dancing around the living room? "Poor Unfortunate Souls" was a favorite to reenact. We made a good Ursula and Ariel, you and I.
     When we had our first sleepover after I moved here and you told me your deepest and darkest secrets? We stayed up till 4 in the morning, talking about anything and everything having to do with life.
     My first Nationals 6 years ago? We were both waiting in the backstage line up area about to go on and our moms came down to tell us that Shannon and Ryan had been picked for a little baby girl. We jumped up and down, screaming our heads off because we were getting our first girl cousin to spoil till we died. After that, you took me up to the top seats of the Marriott Center and we rode our Heelies around the tip top even though I was scared to death I would fall and die. The event staff chased us until we hid and imagined baby girl names for our new cousin.
     How we both went through our first boy troubles at the exact same time? And the exact same things happened to us coincidentally? We helped each other. We needed each other.

     When we moved here, everything changed. We were seeing each other at least once a week. Regular family dinners and spontaneous activities were something I was not accustomed to as we never lived near family. But I liked seeing her more and more often. Lynns was waaaaay cool. And I was not. Let's just say I was supes awks and she wasn't.
     Sleepovers is what made us best friends. We have an unbreakable bond just from being cousins, but staying up and talking about our lives for hours at a time is something I will be forever grateful for. She trusted me with her most inner secrets that she has yet to tell people. She helped me through some hard times and made me feel important. She genuinely cared about me. We would talk about the Gospel and the fact that it blows our mind. We would talk about anything. She would help me put an outfit together and we would philosophize on our methods of babysitting. We went through everything together. When I was losing my brother, she was there for me. When her sister moved to Holland for the rest of her life, I was there. When she was having boy problems, I would give her the best advice I could. When I didn't feel good about myself, she would call me beautiful. She's been my rock and foundation for 6 years and running. Because let's face it, you can't be mad at your best friend/cousin. Family parties would be really awkard.....

But now you need a reality check.
And I'm prepared to give it to you, so don't make me.
They are NOT your family. And they never will be.
There's a reason we all have the middle name Marie,
To remind us that we are a family.
and you can't escape that.


What ever happened to the days of sunbathing carelessly in Grandma's backyard? What happened to us needing each other every single day of our lives? I'm already losing my best friends to college, I can't afford to lose you too.

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