Let's get real, 2013 is a weird number

january
participated in my first and last all state experience.
had an awesome sauce varsity retreat
started choreography on our new Pirates latin medley to rush for nationals
auditioned for symphonic band for the last time
Performed at the Utah State Board of Education thingy

february
Got accepted to the college of my dreams

went on MY last tour with the Timpview Ballroom Company to Idaho.
Premiere of my solo
My dad turned 50. which was weird.
Won 2nd place in swing with Chase
Ran my own mangeant

march
First Festival of Colors
Last nationals with the THS company
Went to Hunger Games premiere
Got sinusitis - the most pain of my life

april
Dr. Fullmer announced he was leaving Timpview to go to Fresno State
Performed in my last concert with the Timpview Symphonic Band. It was a day I will never soon forget.
Last Symphonic Band Spring Tour + region performance combo
Choreographed a dance I loved. So proud of that baby.

may
GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL, chyeah boi.
Graduated from Seminary
Got rejected from the BYU Marching Band
Senior Ball with da senior class prezz
Last concert with THS ballroom
Senior Recital
earned Master Musician
Last State band. Magical.

june
Senior tripped it up to Lake Powell
got my patriarchal blessing. BOSS
WATCHED my first parade in 4 years
Cut my hair. OFF.
Last varsity retreat to Kim's cabin where I got sucked by a leech and pulled an all nighter
worked and worked and worked and worked

july
watched the olympics religiously
became an adult in the government's eyes.
went to Wicked
Played single working mother with my cousins as a nanny for a week
Got my first official calling as a primary teacher
Camped out for the 4th of July parade
Spontaneously went to Stadium of Fire with Aubs

august
Road tripped to California and drove half there myself
Got a real permanent "desk job" aka the best & my favorite job ever.
moved out
started college
became best friends with my roommates
high fived Riley Nelson

september
Saw Imagine Dragons for the first time
Made a blanket fort.
Hiked a freaking mountain called Timpanogos
"Broke" my toe
My best friends left me for Idaho and Hawaii.

october
Won my work department first place for the Halloween costume contest!
Had a couple emotional breakdowns
Drew my own cross walk
Searched for treasure
Touched an alpaca

november
Rented a puppy
Voted for my man, Romney
My best friends started getting mission calls
went to my first real life concert - The Killers

december
survived my first finals week and passed all my classes (it can be done)
Got pied in the face for the first time.
Survived the end of the world
Celebrated Christmas with Szu Chieh

The day I got accepted to BYU, I partied with sophomores

My 18th burfday

Camping on the street like hobos

Roommate bonding time.

First day of cawledge

Proof I graduated

Chopped it alllllll off

Mangeant

Best frannn getting his mission call

Conquered Timpanogos like a boss

Seniors at nationals

We heart Merica

The best clarinet section a girl could ask for




2012 was definitely a year to remember. So many good things happened. I can't say there is anything specific I'm looking forward to in 2013 as I have no idea what's going to happen in my life. 

and now, the theme song for 2013 as I prepare for many changes in my unstable life:

One of the simplest ways to stay happy is...

 Letting go of the things 

that make you sad.

And I think I've finally done just that. 

The two halves of my heart

Want to know what haunts me each night before I go to bed? It's the age old question for college students to ask each other: 

"Where are you from?"

Oh, heaven help me, I never know what to say....

Normally I just say Utah. If I trust the person to not make fun of me, I'll even go as far as saying Provo. But do you know how much this pains me?! I am not from Provo. Do I love Provo? Yes. With all my heart. It's been good to me, and I know for a fact it's shaped me to be the person I am today. So many good things come from and are in Provo. But am I from Provo? No. End of discussion.

People argue that I am unquestionably from Provo since that's where I last lived, it's where my family currently resides, and that's where I attended graduated from high school. That's understandable. I guess.....

However, besides the fact that I attend a university IN the city I live[d] in, it's normally a major turnoff to most outsiders to tell them I'm from Provo; I'm not "cultured" enough for some people. I've known nothing except for the life I've lived here in Utah. I'm spoiled because I get to go home on the weekends to have dinner with my family and pick up some clothes I need. I don't know anything about the church outside of Utah and I will probably grow up to have 10 children and live in the same house in Happy Valley until I die, surrounded by my whole family who will be doing the same thing for the rest of their pathetic lives. 

That's when I get frustrated and always end up trying to turn the conversation around and explain that I'm 

"not really from Provo."

And once I've caught their attentions for a matter of 2 seconds, I quickly explain my dad was in the air force and we traveled the country my whole life. (which in reality, we really didn't. And I've lived in 3 states my whole entire 18 years. Pathetic for the typical military family).

On some occasions, when a person is from Texas or California (my prior states of living), I'll attempt to make a connection with them by excitedly telling them that either A) I was born in California, therefore making me, in all technicalities, "from" California, or B) Tell them that I lived most of my childhood years - 8 to be exact - deep in the heart of Texas. 

But that's not good enough for some people. I'm either from one or the other - I can't be from all three. Do I know the Texas pledge? Do I know how to surf? Did I participate in Hope of America? Blah blahblah blahblah.

Let's get down to the nitty gritty here. I can't really please everybody because when I explain my whole story and frustrations to someone, they unevitably ask, "Well which state did you like the best?"

And to that, well, I just throw up my hands and give up. Because at this point in my life, I honestly could not pick one place. 

California was my birthplace and has half of my relatives there. It contains Disneyland, my earliest childhood memories, beaches, and the sun. Let's be real here, who doesn't want to live in California at some point in their life?

Texas was my everything. My first lifelong friends live there. My whole childhood is rooted there. It has the Alamo, the Spurs, Air Force bases, Friday Night Lights, humidity, cowboys, bluebonnets, and oh so delicious Mexican food. I learned so much there and wish after almost 7 years, I will return back soon.

Utah is my now - my present and near future. At first I hated this place, but I've come to realize that Heavenly Father knew what he was doing when he sent our family here. Sometimes I think he did this all for me. Because without this place, I wouldn't have grown up. I wouldn't have experienced the wonderful Timpview Marching Band and Timpview Ballroom Company in their prime years. And not having those two things in my life just kills me to think about. I have wonderful friends I can rely on. And the best part in living here, I get to walk outside and gaze at the majestic rocky mountains. 

I have been privileged to live in 3 of what I think are the greatest states in the country, and picking between them is impossible. And knowing this, when someone asks me where I'm from, after all is said and done, I have decided that I will simply answer

America.

Land of the free baby.

Ain't going away

Have I told you I ache for you?

No, I haven't.

and I never will.

I see the girl I want to be

Finally did it folks - I signed up for the class.
While listening to Elsa's of all things (which I didn't realize until after I hit the button), I made that irrational decision and decided it was something I couldn't live without.
My mom will say I'm stupid and won't be able to handle that much.
But I think it will make the quality of my life better.
And humble me in ways I've never dealt with.
We'll see how long this courage lasts.


Quote of the day:
I can do hard things.
-Nicole Hopkinson


In other good news, finals are done, I can go home, and my hair has grown to the edge of my very top vertebrae. Chyeah boi.

In the cadence of a young man's eyes

"You're tacky and I hate you."

is what I wish I want to say.

"You're amazing and I love you."

is what I wish I could say.

I'll admit it, I cry over you. 

But that only means you matter to me, 

because let's be honest,

that don't happen often.

They say to hate the boy, not the girl. But I've always been different. The girl is always on the top of my dislike list. Yes, unfortunately I do have a short list like that in existence. It just never seems to go away. And that, my friend is why boys are stupid. 

To Die, To Live, and not alone for me.

In the midst of finals and everything else that may be going on in your life, I hope that we may still remember our Savior's atoning sacrifice for us. For without Him, we would be nothing. But to him, we are everything.

We are weak, but thou art strong

Ladies and gentlemen,

I did it!

I conquered my fears. And Heavenly Father was there every step of the way to comfort and strengthen me.
I'm not sure what everyone else thought, but I guess that's what I've learned in the past couple months - that it don't matter. I did my best (with a sore throat and fever might I add) and I gave it my all. And somewhere, I know that Heavenly Father is proud of me.

Maybe someday, I'll even be good again!

All I have

As of late:
I miss my people.
Everyone is leaving on missions. Bye bye.
I will be here for the summer. Alone. In provo. Alone.
Here are some pictures:

we've entered this realm.

but it's not what you think

yeah this happened.

guess who can waterfall braid?

pinterest status, dawg.

I've turned to the arty side.

It's not my fault I locked them out...

Just look at them. They were asking for it.

Documenting Lauren's first ever doctors appointment

My family > your family

This boy finally got his Eagle.

"I hope they have dancing at the ward party."

Chase's angry face.

Proof my dad is "The Chosen One" in the family

 LAUREN IS GOING TO ARGENTINA!

CHASE IS GOING TO BRAZIL!!!!!

Aaaaand welcome to a day in the life of me where Sharon steals my phone.
Payback's a bench.

Stay within the lines

Life's no fun without a good scare.

Halloween in college is far superior.
I saw THE best costumes on campus and it just brightened my cute little day.
Also, I had 3 different costumes - all pretty awesome and original if I might say so myself.

Monday

This was my ward Halloween party at our Bishop's house. 

And Penrose 89 decided to go as Disney hipster princesses. We were a hit.

Ignore the fact that I don't have black hair and accept that I was a great hipster Snow White.

Aurora, Cinderella, Mulan, Snow White, and Pocahontas.

Our dear friend Ben as Katniss.

He played the role quite well.

Wednesday morning

Working at the bookstore means a cutthroat competition during Halloween for the best costumes.

My department (Ecommerce) won 2nd last year and 3rd the year before that. Convinced that this was their year to win, and after seeing my track record of Halloween group costumes, they put me - the youngest and newest member of the office - in charge.

We came up with Pacman and then I made these costumes with my bare hands.

Mid-shift girls

The cutest ghosts in town.

Did we win?

of course we did.

Wednesday night

we trick or treated. get over it.

The one and only Amelia Earhart.

A druggie hippy, young Voldemort/Tom Riddle, and Amelia.

deal with it.

and that's a wrap for another successful Halloween.

a song for a heart so big

Freaking out here, guys.

I haven't played in 6 months. And I've lost almost everything.

30 minutes left till I embark to ward choir.

30 minutes left till I play my clarinet in front of everyone.

30 minutes left till I play in front of my enormously musically talented ward choir.

30 minutes left till I regret that I signed up for this.

30 minutes left till the judgments start flowing.

I'm scared out of my mind.

But in the end, it's okay.

Because it's only 30 minutes till my heart is healed.

Can it be the way it was?

You know, I can't say I'm entirely and fully 100% healed, but I'm getting there.
It doesn't hurt and I'm taking the next step.
I have it in my room with me,
All boxed up in it's cute little package.
I volunteered to share it
I don't know why I did,
but I did.
Now I just need the courage to open it up and take it out-
stop staring at it and do something
It's the last step, and it's the hardest.
But I know He has been there every step of this long process so far,
and he won't fail me now.
Sounds cliche.
Who cares?
I don't.

"Things that are important to us become important to Him because he loves us."

and that's just the way it is.

Love to stay, tons of fun, thanks for nothing, gotta run

We've pulled out the Coke cap'n.

It's gonna be a rough mission.

Me and coke go waaaaay back.

Honor Code? question mark?

Who's there.

Visiting hours are over.

And you're loud.

Go away.

Shhh. The police can hear you.

I think my hair is growing back.

Maybe.

Can you tell?

wassssup.

I learned a new trick.

This is my "I want to go and do laundry but I'm too lazy to change into real clothes and there are boys in the lobby" face

First world problems.

can you tell I might be not writing a 7 page paper due tomorrow.
oh heeeey colleddge.
when did you suddenly arrive?
can I offer you some hearty meatballs I made this afternoon?