Then all throughout the rest of the day all I heard was:
"I can tell you're stressed, Nicole. Ha."
"You okay, Nicole? You look super tired."
"Nicole, you look kinda dead."
"You're probably mad. Or sad. Or both."
Really? I hadn't noticed
Yeah, I wonder why.
Maybe it's because I just spent my 5th period hiding in my car, crying my eyes out. I don't even know why I'm crying, though. I knew it wouldn't happen. But it felt like a blow to my level of musicianship. It shouldn't, but it hurt. I happened to glance at the list of master musicians today and I had to leave the room; I couldn't handle it. What am I doing here? Why do I think I can do all this? I'm not as talented as those people. I'll never be the role model they were for these kids. I feel like I can't be an effective leader if I can't show them how I've improved. And me saying that is ridiculous and selfish. But at the moment I don't care much.
this part doesn't matter much but 4 people genuinely asked me if I was okay. and when i said i wasn't, they knew i was lying. even if i was mean to you 4 people, i'm sorry, but know i'm super grateful to you.
The hardest part will be to tell you, because I don't want you to be ashamed of me.
I let you down