5.20.2014

Disappear when anybody's close

Let me tell you about my day real quick-

I ate a poptart.
I was productive at work.
I had a rendezvous with Cami.
I drank a lemonberry slushie from Sonic.
I drove up a canyon.
I played in a river.
I danced in the empty, winding, canyon road.
I escaped some bees while braiding flowers in Cami's hair.
I bought Coldplay's new album.
I listened to Coldplay's new album.
I realized how little I care about you.
I smiled.
I was happy.








And I haven't been this happy in quite some time.
Here's to the people that help keep it that way.
#bigBlittleb

4.27.2014

God can be so hilarious

Hi.
Hey.
How ya doin'?

This semester is finally over and I'm still here. I came out alive, and things have changed.....oh, how they have mightily changed.
Life is moving along and everyone is making something of themselves, and I'm just here watching it all happen. I know people who have gotten married, who have gotten engaged, who have gotten straight A's, who have graduated, who have started dating, who have gone on missions, internships, foreign countries.....and I'm just here....living 'n stuff. 

Regardless of all that.... I am happy. I really am happy. This year....I honestly had no idea what this year would hold for me. Nothing significant really appeared on the radar. Maybe nothing ginormous like a ring, or say, a baby happened (ha. wouldn't THAT be funny?), but a couple notable things have changed me and allowed me to become more like the person I want to be. I went through an extremely dark period of my life that I'm sure only a handful of people knew about. And it's not something I was proud of. But it made me stop and realize that I and only I have control over my life and my resulting happiness. I have now made it my personal goal to wake up every morning, making the choice to be happy and help change the lives of others around me.


And as a wrap up of this golden semester, here are some behind the scene photos that never made it to the FB.

I donated blood for the very first time. And oh, what an accomplishment for me that was.
O + in the houuuuuse



Kevinsky. He beat us all to the punch. Congrats, bro.



Cami, Cami, Cami. How glad I am to have met you and gotten to know you this semester.
Thanks for being my big b. 
#blessed



This makes up for that one time you pushed me into the dirt.



This little missy got her back handspring!
And did I mention she's only 7?



Looking at this multiple times a day is what got me through finals week, my friends.
Love these kiddos.



No comment, really. Except for I love these guys.



Realizing that my college experience is already halfway over. 



I joined a band that lasted all of one rehearsal.
#onehitwonders



Mom: "I don't know where to put my hands.."



Dad: "Okay now let's take a serious one."



Whoever thought it was a good idea to make me a manager of these people was on crack. 



Many late night Stats study sessions were had. 
BUT NO MORE.



I bought a car, y'all. Adulthood is real. And so are car payments. 




And if I could only explain this to you, I would. 
But I can't.
So let's just say I pick Cats Knot.



4.15.2014

Hey y'all

And you thought we wouldn't be having one of these?

PSYCH.
(ha that's funny because I'm a Soc major, not a Psych major.)
Oh goodness, it's late.

I'm back

WITH COCA COLA OF COURSE

Honestly. Who did you think I was, not drinking a can of Coca-Cola?

This time, Tweety is comforting me.
But not comforting my head that needs rest.

Pippy Longstocking has always been a hero of sorts for me. 


Writin dem papers at 4 in the morning and life couldn't be better

Except when you tempt me with Coke again...

I literally can't resist.
Or take my eyes off it.

Told ya.

Oh, and the purpose of these glasses is NOT to look like a hipster.

But to help me with my paper.


happy finals


P.S. this is my favorite tradition of life now. So appreciate it. And get ready for SUMMER 2014


4.06.2014

Grow Till Tall

[Cue emotional throwup]

It’s amazing how I’ve perceived things have changed in a short year, yet so little truly has.

A year ago I was wondering what kind of people I would meet, who I would spend most of my days with (if I would spend time with anyone at all), who I would live with, and, to be blatantly honest, I was definitely not looking forward to the lonely summer that was presented to me with a smug grin from the universe. I was moving back home. I was working my tail off. And I was going through the motions of happiness because the future seemed dim and lonely.

Heavenly Father - through a series of events - changed that mindset and attitude and blessed me beyond belief. But, as the scriptures so blatantly say, what he giveth, he can taketh away. And taketh away he has. Ripped from my stiff and unwilling fingers, I was left in a pool of emotions and depression.
In my journal a yearish ago, I wrote “Lately I have just been trying to live Heavenly Father’s plan for me and accept His will. I mean, I made the decision to not go on a mission with his help, but after deciding that, it’s just up to him I guess. I don’t really know where my life is taking me, but I trust His plan and take it in small steps and small decisions.”

And I guess I’m back to the exact same place I was a year ago when that entry was penned. Except now, I’m extremely mad at myself for allowing Nicole 2014 to get back to the same place that Nicole 2013 was. I look back at this past year and wonder, is there anything I could have done different? Done better? Shouldn't I have grown, progressed and have something more than a broken spirit to show for a whole 365 days? After giving everything I was into multiple relationships and investing time and emotion into many people, my answer is still “I don’t know.” I probably could have done so much more, but I would have been left with the same results- being left out to dry by the people I love and the people who said loved me because that's just a thing that always happens to people- especially people named Nicole Hopkinson.  That’s not a bad thing- I mean, people live their lives and nothing is permanent because that’s like, the Plan of Salvation, I just am more sensitive to it than I'd like to admit. However, I cannot express how grateful I am that I learned early on in life that the Atonement of Jesus Christ is not just for sin and repentance, but also for pain and shattered hearts. It is the only thing that can save me from myself and my own harsh judgments. And if there is one thing I learned from General Conference this weekend, it’s that I must access the Atonement and live my life with a disposition of gratitude so that I can combat those feelings that bring sorrow. President Uchtdorf’s talk was for me. And I’ve never experienced anything like that before where I knew a specific talk was inspired revelation I was meant to hear because everything applied to me. It was everything I needed to hear and more. It taught me that the good things we have in this life can “end”, but in reality, they will continue on into the eternities. And oh what a reassuring statement that was for me.


I get on Facebook every day and I encounter more posts than not of relationship statuses (stati?). And sometimes it plain ticks me off.  Engaged. Dating. Friends. More friends. IT NEVER ENDS. Why does everyone else get to experience that or other happiness that results from it? Why not me? Haven’t I done enough to deserve happiness? I have given everything I am to serve others and be a reliable person when others are in need, and what have I gotten from it? Only a finger or two of people I can count that have stuck by me in my darkest times. I'm ashamed to say that I haven't been grateful for those few brave souls and my happiness and joy should not - and WILL NOT - be based on or controlled by others. The only thing that I should gauge that after is my relationship with the Savior and realizing how proud I [hope that I] make my Heavenly Father.

Everyone else may change and break promises and leave me in the dust, but through all that I can truly say that I know who I am, and I will never veer from that and disappoint others. No one may want me, but Heavenly Father always does. I chose to come to the life and I will finish it strong. My head will be held high and I will be proud and happy with myself. Always.

2.25.2014

Labels



Cue the shudders and screams.


This picture accurately depicts how most people feel about this topic of discussion. And, as humorous as this is to me, I am warning you now, I will not be using the word "hipster" at all after this sentence. You have been warned.
Okay, moving on...


We can’t avoid labels. We really can’t. And that’s the unfortunate truth of human nature and life. And being a sociology major, I’ve come to understand some of the reasons why we children of God do that “horrible” thing to our brothers and sisters. It’s ultimately because it makes life easier. I’m no expert in psychology and whatnot, but from being in a few sociology/psychology classes this semester, I’ve learned that entering social interactions, us lowly humans like to group people and instantly classify them so as to know how to interact with said people for our own sake and so as not to embarrass ourselves. We’re so selfish, it’s great. Say your boyfriend/girlfriend invites you to a party at their friend’s apartment. If you’re like myself, parties stress you out and when you’re put into a situation where there are more people you don’t know versus people you do know, your whole goal is to get out of that situation as soon as possible. Such is the life of an introvert #stimulationoverload. Anyways, my point is that upon entering the apartment and seeing faces of people you’ve never met before, the first thing you subconsciously do is classify each person as male or female. And if their gender display is androgynous, you will probably not rest until you figure out what their biological, predetermined sex is. Okay maybe you won’t lose sleep over it, but you’ll definitely be curious enough to kill a cat. I know I would. Because this tells you how to interact with them and what things are appropriate to do around/with them. So yeah. Males and females. Races and ethnicities. Age. LABELS. We do them without realizing. I’m not necessarily saying it’s good, I’m just saying it’s human nature and our brains do it for us to give us appropriate scripts within these social contexts.

My brothers and I have this game and it’s my absolute favorite. I’ll tell you about it and maybe you just might play it too. It’s fun. When walking around Disneyland during our typical summer vacations, we see how many people with BYU gear we can spot. We get a point for every person we see with a BYU anything on who responds when we yell out “Go Cougs!” or “Go BYU!”. They respond, we get a point. If they don’t respond or if they hear us and just flat out ignore us…well…then they don’t really love BYU and cue the hardcore judgments. And if we’re there multiple days, we make sure at least one of US is sporting BYU apparel because if anyone calls out to US, we also get a point.
This nice little story relates to labeling because, well, my brothers and I and all the other random citizens wearing BYU apparel chose to label ourselves as BYU fans. That’s what clothes do. And because we’re kinda required to wear clothes in public, these fabric contraptions express our feelings, emotions, beliefs, attitudes, passions, hates, and so much more. I mean, I guess you could go walk around naked and not be labeled and tied down by the machine, but that’s another label I don’t think you want. So you could look at it as a con of clothing and labels, but honestly, I like the labels that clothes give us. People portray and express themselves to the world WITH clothing. And I’m actually thankful for that. I’ve made some of my best friends because of that.
"Oh you’re wearing a marching band uniform? I did marching band too. Thanks for putting on that “label” so I knew we had common interests and now we’re best friend forever and living together. Yay labels!"
The con? You’re limiting yourself and others. Basing everything on outward appearances limits other interactions with awesome people that you may not have had the opportunity to meet otherwise. SO DON’T DO THAT (that’s bad).

Today, for example, I’m wearing a striped rainbow shirt that is a size large and I found for $3 at DI. Breaking down my previous description, you could probably put LOTS of labels on me. If you knew nothing about me but knew I was wearing a size large rainbow striped t-shirt you might think I’m:

A. an actual size large

B. a strong advocate of gay rights or gay myself

C. thrifty

D. just really weird and crazy and shouldn’t be allowed in public

E. All of the above


But the thing is that only 1 of those 4 (or 5?) things is correct.

A. I’m actually a size small. BUT because of my love of rainbows and all the colors mixed together in happiness, the oversized shirt that doesn’t quite fit me can’t stop my need for rainbows to be all up on dis bidness. It’s just a fact of my life. And I understand that people might perceive me differently. But by putting on that shirt, I accept whatever perceived labels might come with rainbows and rainbow striped shirts. I might not like it, but it’s something we humans have to deal with because not everyone is perfect, and, well, that whole classification of groups in our brains.

B. I’m NOT a strong advocate of gay rights (sorry…) nor am I gay myself. But, again, I just really like rainbows.

C. It’s pretty safe to say I’m thrifty….most of the time at least…. DI is my heaven. If you chose this, you win the internet.

D. I’ll let you decide if this is true. Or, if you don’t like labels, just ignore this and pretend I never wrote it. Cool. Do that.


In conclusion: labels. They can be good and bad. I choose to label (and outwardly express) myself as a Mormon, a daughter of God, a sister, a daughter, a friend, a musician, a dancer, an introvert, an Imagine Dragons fan, a girlfriend (…still getting used to that one…), a follower of Christ, a strawberry blonde, a sarcastic person, an American, a hashtagger, a not-so-good cook, a listener, a future mother and wife, and so many more that I can’t even begin to name. I choose these things and these “labels” because I like them and I want people to know these things about me so they can interact with me pleasurably; these labels are important and define who I am. However, I understand that being citizens of planet Earth, we are subject to other people’s judgments and labels whether we like it or not. There are consequences to all our actions –good AND bad – and the reality of it all is we can’t control most of consequences. As long as we are not the ones casually throwing out these labels, making rash and harsh judgments based on our preconceived notions, and then limiting the people we meet and interact with because of these labels. Just because I like certain music or dress a certain way NOW doesn't mean I can’t decide to change that. If I’m being completely honest here, I know I have been guilty of doing this many times in the past, but I would hope that we can stop this. Limiting people and telling them they can’t do something because of a label that either they or other human beings have put on them is when things are out of hand. Labels can bring people down- oh boy can they do that; they can stunt progression and allow people to think less of themselves. But the key word here brothers and sisters is “can”. Don’t let the man bring you down and stop you from reaching YOUR full potential. Labels can’t do that though- only you can do that to yourself.

11.18.2013

I got that Bob Barker suit game and plinko in my style. MONEY.

It wouldn't be a true semester of college done by yours truly if we didn't have one of these posts where I procrastinate writing a paper by using the crappiest version of photobooth and let you into my sleep deprived mind and my apartment past visiting hours. WUT UP.

And this night is definitely that night that always seems to pop up like the annoying relative on Thanksgiving. I can't avoid it. I just can't.

Care to reminisce?
Last years posts are available for your viewing pleasure and introduction in the links provided below:

And now.......

Fall 2013

Wut

Doublewut

This is the best "space" face I could imagine. 
What faces do astronauts even make in space?
Or does gravity force their faces into uncontrollable contortions?
Do you think they wear homemade space sweatshirts in space?

"And I don't want the world to see me....

.....cuz I don't think that they'd understand."

Are you seduced yet? 

I grabbed the closest object and put it on my head. Deal with it.

Coke even made a special appearance. As she does every year.


Throwing dem signs like I'm Iron Man or sumthin

Straight up G. 
CUZ I LIVE IN G7, YO.

hey

Oh wait. One second. I'm on the phone with Dan Reynolds.

Haters gonna hate.

Rotaters gonna rotate


And the best news of all??

My hair is DEFS growing. 
It goes out of the frame in this pixture so I call that a win.

And the sleep deprivation is totes kicking in as shown by me spelling the word "picture" as "pixture".
Not even going to bother changing it.
Yep.



UNTIL NEXT SEMESTER, DAWGS.









11.04.2013

Givin' the academy a rain check

There once was a time in my life that was similar to what it is like now. I was also a sophomore like I am now. So apparently, it has taken me more than 4 years to learn that particular lesson as I have been presented with almost the exact same scenario. So I’ll tell you a story and you can decide what’s really happening the second time around here.

I was a sophomore in high school. I was in band. I was on the JV ballroom team. And I was happy.
I really was! 

I felt like I fit in. My sophomore year of high school on most days were genuinely like hell to me, but ballroom was where I truly made my friends that year. I enjoyed my teammates and even though I was “only on JV”, our team definitely had a lot of fun and unexpected success. Looking back on the history of Timpview Ballroom, we were undoubtedly and unarguably the best Junior Varsity team that company ever saw- you can ask any coach that. Our team was made up of a lot of sophomores and a lot of new recruits who had never been on a real ballroom team before, but we all decided we were going to make something of ourselves and be as successful as we could be.  But come the final countdown of school days before winter break, a decision was placed before me that changed how I saw things.

 A senior girl from the company’s Varsity team had announced she was quitting come the end of the semester, and you better believe with that announcement came speculation of who the coaches would choose to replace her. I didn't really mind or care much as I was happy where I was. I also didn't think that I would even be considered for Varsity, because honestly, I was not by any means the best dancer or had the best technique or could even be compared to the dancers on the Varsity team. So you could say I was taken off my guard when come one day over the intercom the booming voice said, 

“Would Nicole Hopkinson please report to the ballroom office immediately?”

Being myself, however, I didn’t think it was regarding being moved up a team; my mind immediately raced to all the things I could have possibly done wrong to cause my coaches to summon me to their lair in the confines of Studio C (No really, it was called Studio C). So when I was offered a spot on Varsity right then and there, I kind of just sat there and stared at my coaches. And I then had to ask myself if that was something that I really wanted and if that would make me happy.

“There’s a good chance you won’t be placed on our competing team to dance at nationals. You would basically be an alternate and wouldn't get much floor time. You might be able to learn a couple routines before the spring concert, but we just need another girl in case something happens.”

That’s basically what was said to me regarding my expectations should I accept. In addition to those wonderful conditions, I would have to leave all my friends on JV- my best friends at the time. I didn't know practically anyone on Varsity and they intimidated me to no extent. Would that make me happy? No. I wouldn't be able to compete and perform the routine that my teammates and I had been working for so long on. Would that make me happy? No. And the reason that swayed me most was another girl on the team. She was a senior and she was on JV- not something that was very common that year. She would have been a lot happier on Varsity, yet there just wasn't enough spots for her on the strictly configured team. She was also an amazing dancer! Why they didn't consider her before me, I will never know, but I couldn't take that spot on Varsity with a clean and fair conscience. Would taking her rightfully deserved spot make me happy? No.

So, long story short, as I thought about all this, I didn't want that. I can tell you without a doubt in my mind that I was the only girl on the Timpview Ballroom Junior Varsity team that would have even thought about rejecting the offer. Most – if not all – girls would have said yes without hesitation. And here I was, trying to convince myself and forge reasons why I should accept the golden offer. Well, I've never been like the other girls, have I now? So I thanked my coaches for the offer, kindly declined, and told them they should move Mindy up because she deserved it more.

Mindy was moved up to Varsity the next day and I never regretted that decision in the slightest.

And now, here I am 4 years later in almost the exact same position. I’m happy. I’m comfortable. There are little expectations of me and I finally feel like I fit in. But a change is about to happen that could “ruin” that. Like that booming voice on the intercom, I don’t know if I’ll be called in and be expected to accept the call of duty that could potentially be placed in front of me. I really don’t know. I don’t expect it, because I know I’m not ready or capable and anyone who says I am is on crazy pills. But I know it could happen. And unlike 4 years ago, I have the chance to prepare myself and make a decision before I walk into that office. So let’s hope I can make the right decision again this time around if it be presented before my scared eyes. As I turned to my Book of 1000 Yiddish Proverbs for help and guidance, the authors presented me with this:

“One’s good luck is another’s misfortune.”

But they also told me that 

“A second wife is like a wooden leg” 

so now I’m trying to connect the dots and it ain't working out so well.