Let's get real, 2013 is a weird number

january
participated in my first and last all state experience.
had an awesome sauce varsity retreat
started choreography on our new Pirates latin medley to rush for nationals
auditioned for symphonic band for the last time
Performed at the Utah State Board of Education thingy

february
Got accepted to the college of my dreams

went on MY last tour with the Timpview Ballroom Company to Idaho.
Premiere of my solo
My dad turned 50. which was weird.
Won 2nd place in swing with Chase
Ran my own mangeant

march
First Festival of Colors
Last nationals with the THS company
Went to Hunger Games premiere
Got sinusitis - the most pain of my life

april
Dr. Fullmer announced he was leaving Timpview to go to Fresno State
Performed in my last concert with the Timpview Symphonic Band. It was a day I will never soon forget.
Last Symphonic Band Spring Tour + region performance combo
Choreographed a dance I loved. So proud of that baby.

may
GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL, chyeah boi.
Graduated from Seminary
Got rejected from the BYU Marching Band
Senior Ball with da senior class prezz
Last concert with THS ballroom
Senior Recital
earned Master Musician
Last State band. Magical.

june
Senior tripped it up to Lake Powell
got my patriarchal blessing. BOSS
WATCHED my first parade in 4 years
Cut my hair. OFF.
Last varsity retreat to Kim's cabin where I got sucked by a leech and pulled an all nighter
worked and worked and worked and worked

july
watched the olympics religiously
became an adult in the government's eyes.
went to Wicked
Played single working mother with my cousins as a nanny for a week
Got my first official calling as a primary teacher
Camped out for the 4th of July parade
Spontaneously went to Stadium of Fire with Aubs

august
Road tripped to California and drove half there myself
Got a real permanent "desk job" aka the best & my favorite job ever.
moved out
started college
became best friends with my roommates
high fived Riley Nelson

september
Saw Imagine Dragons for the first time
Made a blanket fort.
Hiked a freaking mountain called Timpanogos
"Broke" my toe
My best friends left me for Idaho and Hawaii.

october
Won my work department first place for the Halloween costume contest!
Had a couple emotional breakdowns
Drew my own cross walk
Searched for treasure
Touched an alpaca

november
Rented a puppy
Voted for my man, Romney
My best friends started getting mission calls
went to my first real life concert - The Killers

december
survived my first finals week and passed all my classes (it can be done)
Got pied in the face for the first time.
Survived the end of the world
Celebrated Christmas with Szu Chieh

The day I got accepted to BYU, I partied with sophomores

My 18th burfday

Camping on the street like hobos

Roommate bonding time.

First day of cawledge

Proof I graduated

Chopped it alllllll off

Mangeant

Best frannn getting his mission call

Conquered Timpanogos like a boss

Seniors at nationals

We heart Merica

The best clarinet section a girl could ask for




2012 was definitely a year to remember. So many good things happened. I can't say there is anything specific I'm looking forward to in 2013 as I have no idea what's going to happen in my life. 

and now, the theme song for 2013 as I prepare for many changes in my unstable life:

One of the simplest ways to stay happy is...

 Letting go of the things 

that make you sad.

And I think I've finally done just that. 

The two halves of my heart

Want to know what haunts me each night before I go to bed? It's the age old question for college students to ask each other: 

"Where are you from?"

Oh, heaven help me, I never know what to say....

Normally I just say Utah. If I trust the person to not make fun of me, I'll even go as far as saying Provo. But do you know how much this pains me?! I am not from Provo. Do I love Provo? Yes. With all my heart. It's been good to me, and I know for a fact it's shaped me to be the person I am today. So many good things come from and are in Provo. But am I from Provo? No. End of discussion.

People argue that I am unquestionably from Provo since that's where I last lived, it's where my family currently resides, and that's where I attended graduated from high school. That's understandable. I guess.....

However, besides the fact that I attend a university IN the city I live[d] in, it's normally a major turnoff to most outsiders to tell them I'm from Provo; I'm not "cultured" enough for some people. I've known nothing except for the life I've lived here in Utah. I'm spoiled because I get to go home on the weekends to have dinner with my family and pick up some clothes I need. I don't know anything about the church outside of Utah and I will probably grow up to have 10 children and live in the same house in Happy Valley until I die, surrounded by my whole family who will be doing the same thing for the rest of their pathetic lives. 

That's when I get frustrated and always end up trying to turn the conversation around and explain that I'm 

"not really from Provo."

And once I've caught their attentions for a matter of 2 seconds, I quickly explain my dad was in the air force and we traveled the country my whole life. (which in reality, we really didn't. And I've lived in 3 states my whole entire 18 years. Pathetic for the typical military family).

On some occasions, when a person is from Texas or California (my prior states of living), I'll attempt to make a connection with them by excitedly telling them that either A) I was born in California, therefore making me, in all technicalities, "from" California, or B) Tell them that I lived most of my childhood years - 8 to be exact - deep in the heart of Texas. 

But that's not good enough for some people. I'm either from one or the other - I can't be from all three. Do I know the Texas pledge? Do I know how to surf? Did I participate in Hope of America? Blah blahblah blahblah.

Let's get down to the nitty gritty here. I can't really please everybody because when I explain my whole story and frustrations to someone, they unevitably ask, "Well which state did you like the best?"

And to that, well, I just throw up my hands and give up. Because at this point in my life, I honestly could not pick one place. 

California was my birthplace and has half of my relatives there. It contains Disneyland, my earliest childhood memories, beaches, and the sun. Let's be real here, who doesn't want to live in California at some point in their life?

Texas was my everything. My first lifelong friends live there. My whole childhood is rooted there. It has the Alamo, the Spurs, Air Force bases, Friday Night Lights, humidity, cowboys, bluebonnets, and oh so delicious Mexican food. I learned so much there and wish after almost 7 years, I will return back soon.

Utah is my now - my present and near future. At first I hated this place, but I've come to realize that Heavenly Father knew what he was doing when he sent our family here. Sometimes I think he did this all for me. Because without this place, I wouldn't have grown up. I wouldn't have experienced the wonderful Timpview Marching Band and Timpview Ballroom Company in their prime years. And not having those two things in my life just kills me to think about. I have wonderful friends I can rely on. And the best part in living here, I get to walk outside and gaze at the majestic rocky mountains. 

I have been privileged to live in 3 of what I think are the greatest states in the country, and picking between them is impossible. And knowing this, when someone asks me where I'm from, after all is said and done, I have decided that I will simply answer

America.

Land of the free baby.

Ain't going away

Have I told you I ache for you?

No, I haven't.

and I never will.

I see the girl I want to be

Finally did it folks - I signed up for the class.
While listening to Elsa's of all things (which I didn't realize until after I hit the button), I made that irrational decision and decided it was something I couldn't live without.
My mom will say I'm stupid and won't be able to handle that much.
But I think it will make the quality of my life better.
And humble me in ways I've never dealt with.
We'll see how long this courage lasts.


Quote of the day:
I can do hard things.
-Nicole Hopkinson


In other good news, finals are done, I can go home, and my hair has grown to the edge of my very top vertebrae. Chyeah boi.

In the cadence of a young man's eyes

"You're tacky and I hate you."

is what I wish I want to say.

"You're amazing and I love you."

is what I wish I could say.

I'll admit it, I cry over you. 

But that only means you matter to me, 

because let's be honest,

that don't happen often.

They say to hate the boy, not the girl. But I've always been different. The girl is always on the top of my dislike list. Yes, unfortunately I do have a short list like that in existence. It just never seems to go away. And that, my friend is why boys are stupid. 

To Die, To Live, and not alone for me.

In the midst of finals and everything else that may be going on in your life, I hope that we may still remember our Savior's atoning sacrifice for us. For without Him, we would be nothing. But to him, we are everything.